Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
