So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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