Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
