i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
