PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
