She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize