I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
