he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
