Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
