He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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