I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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