but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize