How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
