so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize