Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
