The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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