I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
