The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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