why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
