Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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