I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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