After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
