What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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