how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Randomize
