He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
