I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
