i was rollin on her like bob the builder
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
