Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
