he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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