God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
