Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize