That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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