look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
