I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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