That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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