My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
