I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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