i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
