Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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