Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
