you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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