1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
