This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
