I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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