Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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