just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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