You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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