I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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