He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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