Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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