Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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