oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
