My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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