what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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