Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
