I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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