the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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