lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
