Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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