i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
