i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
