btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
