bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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