I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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