I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
