ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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