This is not my ceiling
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
