but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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