I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
