I wish I could teleport
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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