Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize