Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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