I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
