is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
