a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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