Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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