True but thats because hes a fetus.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
