I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
