I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
