I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
