It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
