This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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