You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
