You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
