I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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