girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We had to coat check the pizza.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
